A Frog Prince

Growing up, you always think fairytales are all song and dance and talking animals. But then one day, you wake up as a frog and realize it’s all a lie.

Except the talking animals part; I’m still perfectly articulate.

I don’t remember exactly when or how I changed to my adorably green state, but I remember why. See, I was just getting over a bad break up and was drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey when an old friend came over and told me of a fortune teller he had just met and how she could help me find new love. I remember walking far to find her, almost to Central Park, in a small basement apartment with crystal balls and dusty curtains and exactly what you expect to find in a fortune teller’s shop.

The woman was short and grizzled, but pretty enough with her long, braided hair. She grabbed a few bottles- potions?- from various shelves upon hearing my sad story and quickly mixed a drink. She passed me a cup, then told me a poem or a prophesy or something:

“The path to love is brief; simply win a true love’s kiss from a maiden. For any love that reaches through your altered form is pure enough to change you back.”

I passed out, and woke up as a frog in my apartment. After hopping around a few minutes, I remembered the fortune teller’s words. But where is a frog supposed to find a girl to kiss him? I decided to go the only place people in New York City could see a frog without trying to cook or kill it and set out for a fountain in Central Park.

Along the way I got some strange looks from people passing by. Maybe I’m a strange frog… am I too big? Too green? Jumping too high for my size? Nobody tries to stop or talk to me, so I just keep pressing forward past the stares. When I arrive at my favorite fountain, maybe my favorite place in the world, I hide in some bushes trying to think of a plan to kiss a girl without scaring her.

My first attempt was with a tall, blonde businesswoman who sat by the fountain and pulled out a notebook. I built up all my courage, then slowly hopped toward her. When she noticed me coming, I stopped and smiled (can frogs smile?) and called out “good morning!” but all I got in return was a disgusted look as she stormed away.

A few minutes later, a couple of college girls walked by, but as soon as they saw me coming toward them, they turned and walked the other way. I really must be abnormal if people won’t even look at me! I hopped toward the fountain to try and get a good look at my reflection.

As I sat looking by the water, I barely noticed a pretty girl with dark skin and curly black hair sit near me and pull out her phone. I didn’t even turn around until I heard a plop and suddenly her phone was sinking to the bottom of the fountain as she fruitlessly struggled to reach it.

Excited, I turned to her and said “I’ll get your phone!” and jumped headfirst into the fountain. That’s what frogs are for, right? I grabbed it, then swam over to hand it to her. She looked at me with a curious expression, and I saw my opportunity, so I took it.

I leaned right over and kissed her.

She slapped me back into the water and ran away screaming about lunatics, and that’s when you guys grabbed me and dragged me here.

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Officer Kerry looked wearily at the frantic young man in front of him, trying to decide if this was a joke or a dare. They had received a few calls that morning of a crazy man hopping around like a frog and harassing young women, but he didn’t expect a story like this. His head was swimming, and his only thought was to stand and walk out of the room to get a fresh cup of coffee and let off some of the laughter he had fought to keep hidden during the story.

It’s not every day you get to deal with a case of fairytale come true.