Finding My Equation

Everything was going exactly as planned.

It was the last week of my last semester, and I had one last final ahead of me- tomorrow morning. Tired of studying and confident that I knew the formulas well enough, I packed up my calculator along with some pencils and tried to get a few hours of rest.

One more test, two weeks until graduation, and already three interviews set up at prestigious companies. I would finally be able to support my wife and our coming child rather than adding to our mountain of student debt. Everything was going to be perfect.

I have always loved math, since I first took my dad’s old calculator when I was a toddler. I had a lot of adventures with that old calculator; learning how to program it, adding special features, and learning the beauty of its many functions. When the time came to choose a major, I already knew what I wanted. Six years later, here I am today, a few hundred hours away from holding a master’s degree.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The test went as planned- my little calculator performed perfectly as always as I slammed the keys in my panic to finish. Now I am in the waiting room, waiting for an interview with MedTech, one of the largest employers of people with my skill set. My heart pounds as the seconds tick by. I compulsively check my bag for my calculator, though no test will be required today. She is there, same as always; ready to help me in the next chapter of my life.

“Mr. Sterling?” the secretary finally calls.

“Yes?” I say standing and straightening out my jacket sleeves.

“They’re ready for you, just come this way.”

I followed her and found myself in a room with a man and a woman, both dressed professionally and looking stern. A few handshakes and questions follow until finally…

“Tell us about your experience with engineering.”

“Oh…” I stammer as my heart stops. “Well, I never really took physics or anything, so I haven’t done much engineering.”

A long pause destroyed every hope I had of landing this job.

“We were under the impression we were hiring an engineer, not just a math guy, Mr. Sterling. We have computers that run numbers; what we need are innovators.”

And that was it.

The interview was over before I could try to turn things around.

Two more interviews, almost identical, followed the first. I continued to search and apply everywhere I could think, but it didn’t add up. My wife’s due date was quickly approaching, so I put up a brave front for her sake.

Tonight, I am finally running the numbers- something I had been dreading. We had a decent savings account, and my wife’s small business brought in some money. I graphed, I calculated, I punched in numbers quickly and hurriedly, but my little calculator faithfully displayed the truth- negative numbers.

I broke down for the first time in years. I didn’t want my wife to hear my cry, but I had to speak to someone- so I pulled out my calculator’s old camera and speaker.

“How…” I tried to ask it with a sob, not knowing if I actually expected a reply. “How do I get by with no job, and no money? I have a master’s degree in mathematics for crying out loud! I've tried harder than I ever have in my life… but I just can’t do it anymore. Why isn't there a formula for getting your life together?”

My calculator did reply, in the form of two symbols. “=?” it read, and then darkness replaced all output on the screen.

I don’t know what the end of my equation might be. I have all the input- my degree, my experience, my faith… but the output was unknown. I don’t know what I might equal, what my life might amount to. But I realized then, as I sketched the two symbols in the corner of my notebook, I could make my output into anything. Maybe all the larger companies want engineers and scientists, but there had to be a place for someone like me.

I smiled, dug for some batteries in my desk drawer, and put them into my calculator. Then I opened up my laptop, adjusted my resume and my search, and tried to think where my equation might lead.