I Bet My Life

Ring Ring. Ring Ring. My hands were so sweaty. Was it just me or was the call taking forever to go through? Ring Ring. Ring.

“Hello?” Her voice came through the phone and my heart fell through my stomach. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time. My eyes started to tear and all I wanted was for her arms to hold me and comfort me.  There was nothing I wanted more than to be with her.

My voice caught, “Hm, Mom?”

My heart was pounding out of my chest as there was silence on the other end of the phone. I could imagine her right now. Standing next to the phone jack waiting to hang up on a sales call or a recording that she was expecting. I was calling from a payphone in Turkey after all.

“Damian?” Her voice was small. Like she couldn’t believe it was really me. We hadn’t talked in years. Not since the day that I stormed out of the house. Not a great way to end an eighteenth birthday. 

“Yeah Mom. It’s me.” I laughed at the end, relieved that she didn’t hang up on me as soon as she realized who it was.

“I don’t believe it.” She has her crying voice now.  Even after all this time I can recognize the changes in her voice.

“It’s been a long time Mom.” Oh, and there is my crying voice.  “How have you been?”

“I’m great!” She is laughing now. “How are you sweetheart?”

“I’m okay. I’m in Turkey and really missing home.”

She went quiet again, “I miss you honey, but it’s not my fault you haven’t been home.”

There it is. The big thing standing in the way of having a completely pleasant conversation.

“Yeah…I know. Listen Mom. I was wrong to leave.” I could hear her shallow breathing but she let me keep going. “I don’t have a lot of time. I took a path in life that you would never have wanted for me and there have been things along the way that were good, and a lot of bad. I’m in a bad spot right now actually and I need someone to say that they will send me home. I hurt you and if you didn’t want to, you won’t have to but I could really use your help.”

“Where are you baby?”

“I kinda wound up in jail.” When you are twenty five years old, you never think that you would have to call your mom to bail you out, until you have to. “I have no other way to go Mom.”

“What do I have to do?” She had determined voice now.

“Really? You’ll help me?” I am honestly surprised, if I was her, I wouldn’t have said yes so easily.

“Baby, I’m your mother. You did what you thought was right and all I could do was hope you were alright. No matter what happens, I will always be your mother and I will always be there for you.

The tears on my face started flowing even faster. Once again I was a little child, crying on the porch as my mom rocked me in her arms.